So, you’re off to university. You’ve got your bags packed and a room in the closest halls to campus. Congratulations! Unfortunately, contrary to what society would have you believe, it won’t be roses the whole time. Sometimes, in fact, you will have a very bad time.
Some of those bad times will be had in your halls, where you will undoubtedly meet an assortment of people who will eventually become your new friends, but who may prove a bit difficult to bear at first. Yay! To help prepare you to meet your new flatmates, we’ve compiled a list of the six different types of people you’ll come across.
1. The rich one
Ever seen Fresh Meat? Of course you have; you don’t live under a rock. Sorry to tell you, but every house has a JP. Love or loathe him, he exists. While you’re eating baked beans, he’ll be out with the lads eating caviar by the tin. While you can barely afford to do your big shop at Lidl, he thinks Waitrose isn’t posh enough.
2. The non-existent one
You know someone occupies the room that’s three doors down from yours, but for some reason you’ve never seen them. Not once, in a whole year. Interesting…
3. The passive aggressive one
This person leaves notes everywhere, on everything that upsets them. They are not to be trusted (they probably bitch about you, sorry) and you should probably try to avoid them as much as you can. Everything you do will annoy them. This is not an exaggeration.
4. The thief
There will be one night when you come back from the SU absolutely starving and ravenous for the last slice of lasagne you brought back to uni after a weekend home – only to find some THIEF has eaten it. This person is ruthless and – it goes without saying – rude. They will eat your food, and pretend it’s not a big deal. As an only child who never really learnt how to share, I can tell you it is.
5. The party animal
This person might not pass first year because they like partying a little too much. Try and remind them to come up for air every now and then. They’re just really excited to be at university, bless.
6. The slob
The slob will drive the passive-aggressive person in your flat off the brink, and no doubt everyone else with them. They have no concept of clean, and don’t care what you think, either. Ugh.